At this stage of my life, it’s weird to be a junior anything. I’m 48 years old and have been blessed to have done lots of things I’d hoped to do. In many situations, especially in my career, I’ve been sought out as senior counsel for those coming up in the ranks. I recently published my first children’s book which has other writers asking me for advice and kids looking at me wide-eyed. I try to keep my ego in check on both counts but I’m not gonna lie. It feels good.
What doesn’t feel as good is knowing I’ll show up at training this Wednesday to learn from women a decade and a half younger than I am who are far more experienced yogis. My head is playing tricks on me, reminding me that they’re a lot stronger and more flexible than I am and they can balance the crap out of a Parsva Bakasana while I still haven’t joined my Baka to its Sana.
All of these are very non-yogic thoughts, of course. Please don’t think me a hypocrite. Yesterday I wrote that yoga is a choice I make to let go of judgment and expectation and accept myself. Of course, that’s easier said that done and it may be a while – or never – until I can fully live that choice every minute of every day.
But, I’ll keep trying. And that trying and practice of acceptance along the way, guess what? That’s yoga. I know in my head and my heart that our instructors, Kim, Pegah and Jen, won’t judge me for what I can’t yet do. They’re good girls. They’ll encourage me for what I can do and gently guide me through the rest. I trust them. Which, I guess, means I gotta start trusting me.
Today’s intention: I’ll lighten up on myself a little bit at a time to let the judgement out and the yoga in.