It’s official. I’m coming unhinged.
The last three weeks of training + job + family + whatever are taking a toll on me. Here’s the good news: I’m able to recognize it. In the not-so-distant past I would have tried to power through, at the expense of my body, soul and everyone around me. Although, I gotta say, even with recognition, it’s HARD.
Time to Breathe, right? Also time to share with someone I know will understand. So, today when Kim said, “Hey, how are you?” I didn’t give the standard “I’m good.” I told her the soulful truth.
Kim reminded me to break my day down into little bits of gratitude. Like the fact that I was able to have coffee with Steve this morning. And that the weather was warm enough to walk to the studio. And that there would be absolutely no expectations on me once I got on my mat.
So, I did get on my mat for Kim’s C2 and a magical thing happened.
I started moving through postures and found myself distracted and frustrated. I took Child’s Pose – the resting posture available to us during any class – with the intention of re-joining my breath to my body. I Breathed. I turned onto my back, and I Breathed. I could feel the stress leaving my body. I could feel my mind relaxing. I could hear Kim’s voice in the distance but didn’t feel the pressure to hop up and join the flow.
And then I heard the words “Final savasana.” Which meant I had stayed on my mat for about ¾ of the class and it was time for everyone else to join me. It. Felt. Great. I had no guilt or shame about how I’d spent my time. I’ve tried to meditate many times and have never reached the level of depth I experienced in this class. Without even trying. Dag.
My OMie, Hannah, and I talked about this after class. She asked me what I thought the difference was – what allowed me to go so deep. I think it was the Breath in the room. The energy of 20-some people in a room uniting in energy is nothing short of magic. If only I could bottle it and take it with me.
Maybe I can. Maybe I can carry the memory of this magic with me for the rest of teacher training and after and call it up when the blessings of life overwhelm me. How cool would that be?
I’ve heard it said that we can’t practice meditation. We can practice concentration and, through that, meditation is a gift that comes to us through grace. I guess that’s what happened to me today. And, I am grateful.