I’ve completed 25 of the required 45 practices. Graduation is April 13th. That leaves 18 days in which to practice 20 more times. That’s not how I planned this. At the beginning of our program, I had my practices carefully mapped out so I’d be able to finish them in a reasonable and methodical manner.
Life got in the way.
Because I am not just in yoga teacher training. I’m also running a business, managing a household, and needing extra time for self-care like Epsom baths and sleep to mitigate the effects of the demands I’m putting on myself. It’s a lot. I’m definitely not alone. Each one of my OMies is living his or her own version of the same.
Challenges in my personal life are taking a toll on my training. My energy is low. My focus is shattered. The only words I can think of to describe how I feel are weary and overwhelmed. And I’ve got 18 more days to go. Of course, rationally, I know which coping mechanisms to call on to get through all of this. Put one foot in front of the other. Be gentle with myself. Practice Aparigraha (non-attachment.) I’m trying. I really am. I’m just so very tired.
Todays practice, #25 of 45, found me in Balasana (Child’s Pose) and Supta Baddha Koṇasana (Reclined Bound Angle Pose) for most of the hour. Each is intended as a calming posture. Instead, each was a battle between what I wanted as the outcome and what presented as the actual outcome. Where was Aparigraha when I needed it?
I called a trusted friend to share what I’m going through. She responded with empathy and reminders of things I can do to support myself and to ask for support from others through this difficult time. It was exactly what I expected of her and, in some ways everything I already knew. That can be annoying or validating. I’m going with the latter.
18 more days, friends, until my schedule lightens up. 18 more days until I emerge from intense training and figure out how to continue the yoga lifestyle.
Today’s intention: I will continue my search for Aparigraha.