Yesterday was “Bring A Beginner Day.” We divided our class into two groups of ten and were each assigned a two-hour time slot during which we would to teach a class of complete beginners. Vinyasa Virgins.
We were ready to teach. I mean, we’ve been training for weeks, right? It was time for the peanut butter to hit the jelly. My OMies and I lined up against the studio wall as our VVs took their places on their mats. Truth be told, I felt like crap. I’m straight-up sick and have been for a few weeks, off and on.
News flash: It’s tough to share your energy when you have very little. And, honestly, who wants to receive the kind of energy I’m able to share these days? It’s icky.
I stumbled through my portion of teaching. And then I sat down and tried to be present and enjoy the spirit of the day and offer energetic support to my OMies. My brain had other plans as it gave me a reminder of the difference between WANTS and NEEDS.
I WANT to feel better.
I NEED to accept where I am.
I WANT to feel successful in my teaching.
I NEED to do my best and let go of the rest.
I WANT to feel like I’m working as hard and contributing as much to the training experience as my OMies are.
I NEED to trust that my OMies feel supported and aren’t judging me for my lack of energy.
The battle of WANTS and NEEDS isn’t a new one. It’s been with me for the past 48 years. I’ve slayed that dragon on a few fronts – giving up my expensive convertible, taking the 30×30 Challenge, putting myself on a tight spending budget. These life choices are all based on material things. As it turns out, it’s easier to give up an expensive sports car than to truly embrace the differences between WANTS and NEEDS at a spiritual level.
These next few days are my personal WANTS and NEEDS challenge. We have our written exam this Wednesday night. So far, my brain hasn’t absorbed the names or functions of the chakras or the names and meanings of the eight limbs of yoga, despite numerous runs through my flash cards. We have our teaching exam on Saturday. I still struggle with the balancing series.
I WANT to know everything on our curriculum by Wednesday night.
I NEED to study and accept whatever my best will be.
I WANT to get past this battle of WANTS and NEEDS.
I NEED to chill the hell out.