Did I fail?

Ugh. I signed up for my studio’s 30 classes in 40 days challenge and quit two weeks in. I was on a path toward reaching my goal and then scheduled a business trip. It threw my plan off and would have had me at the studio every day for the remainder of the 40. If you’ve been following my posts for a while, you remember the tales of my sore body during teacher training. I didn’t want a repeat.

So, I bowed out of the challenge.

This was a tough decision for me. Quite a few of my OMies were doing 30 in 40 and I heard them comparing notes about how many classes they had left. I felt left out. Worse, I felt like a quitter. Which is interesting, really, because 30 in 40 wasn’t a competition against others. It was a personal challenge. There was no pressure from anyone, except for what I piled on myself.

It took a few days, but I came to my senses. I mean, really, yoga isn’t about competition or accomplishment. Yoga is about being present and accepting what’s in front of us. It’s about bringing calm to our self-judgment and our turbulent thoughts. I know these things.

Why are they so hard to remember?

Cause my ego gets in the way. That’s why. There’s a real sense of pride that comes with taking on a challenge and seeing it through. Leaving 30 in 40 gave me a different challenge – the challenge of letting myself be OK with my decision.

This is yet another reminder of the craziness that ensues when my ego and my mind gang up on me. I believe they’re in cahoots and they sure don’t have my best interest in mind. And yet, there are times when I let them take over. What the heck? I know by now that my days are infinitely better when I gently release my ego and mind and choose to focus on my yoga – Breathing. Sitting quietly. Flowing through a few asanas. These are my antidotes for a frantic mind. And it’s better for me to call on them more often than not.

So, did I fail when I left 30 in 40? Contrary to my original thoughts…absolutely not! I learned another lesson about how I respond to challenges and how I respond to my illusion of failure. When I think of 30 in 40, I really believe I won. And that feels great.

#Nama

 

 

 

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